I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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