I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
