Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
