Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
How does one acquire holy water?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS