evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY