Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
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i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it