You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house