Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.