I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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