Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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