yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
