Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Randomize
