Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
