She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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