john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
