I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
