we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You are the jesus of drinking
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
