Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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