i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I am midnight drunk by noon
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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