she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
