she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
do herpes really smell.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
