i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
