Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
