I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize