Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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