I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
