I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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