I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
