I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
