I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
