Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
