do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
