I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
