just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
