I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
