The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
