The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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