if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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