after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
So vagazzling was a success
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
