I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
