he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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