Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I could fuck to npr.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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