If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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