So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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