Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
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You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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