im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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