she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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