dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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