I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
