Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize