okay pat passed out under dana's car
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
