he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
