I faked an abortion last night.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
