Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
They took my balls.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
