If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
