That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
