bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Randomize
