How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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