We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
