No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
