I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
