guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
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I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
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Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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