nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize