forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
