you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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