I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
that is very illegal...i love you.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
