I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
