she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
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hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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