Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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