Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
