The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
