Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
