i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
