sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
