He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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