Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
