You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
